Valentine's Day can create unnecessary pressure on a relationship. The media and retail world put a lot of emphasis on this holiday, which can create unrealistic expectations for a couple. It may be my stubborn side, but I don't enjoy feeling like a holiday dictates how I should express love to my husband. I have been married for almost twenty years, and expectations around Valentine's Day have changed. When we were dating or newly married, it felt like an awesome reason to profess our love for one another. As the years go by, you learn that expressing your love through the good and bad times is what matters. We still express gratitude for our relationship on Valentine's Day, whether it be a note or a small gift that we think the other would like, but there is less expectation of it being this grand gesture. Also, I hate going to dinner on crazy, busy holidays with preplanned set menus. No, thank you! Here are some tips for couples who want to avoid the Valentine's Day pressure while still having a meaningful and enjoyable time together.

Reframe Your Perspective

Remember that Valentine's Day is just another day. It's okay not to subscribe to its commercial side. Instead, focus on what matters to you as a couple. Genuine connection doesn't rely on expensive gifts or over-the-top gestures. Instead of focusing on the "perfect" date, shift your perspective to what will make you feel connected and happy as a couple. Whether it's a quiet night in or a simple walk, the goal is to enjoy each other's company without needing perfection.

Set Expectations Early

Communication is key, and this day is no different. Talk to your partner about what Valentine's Day means to you. Are you both excited about doing something special? Or are you both hoping to avoid the usual clichés? Setting clear expectations will help prevent unnecessary stress or disappointment on the day.

Skip the Over-the-Top Gifts

Instead of focusing on the pressure to give expensive gifts, opt for something more meaningful or personal. A handwritten letter, a shared experience (like a cooking class or hiking trip), or a small, thoughtful gesture (like a favorite homemade treat) can be far more impactful than an expensive bouquet or diamond necklace. Focus on what will make your partner feel appreciated, not what you think society expects.

Create Your Own Traditions

One of the best ways to avoid the pressure of Valentine's Day is to establish your own couple's traditions. These can range from watching a favorite movie together to cooking a meal at home. I have had several couples of mine say they prefer the tradition of cooking steak and lobster at home because it feels more personable. The idea is to create a ritual that celebrates your unique connection rather than relying on the societal narrative of what "Valentine's Day should look like."

Don't Compete With Other Couples

A significant source of pressure can be comparing your plans with what other couples are doing. Social media, in particular, can worsen things by having everyone show off their romantic outings, fancy dinners, and luxurious gifts.

Interesting Side Note: Research suggests that posting frequently about a partner can also be a form of "social signaling," where individuals seek external validation. Sometimes, it may be a way to affirm to others—and even themselves—that they're in a stable and prosperous relationship. This can also be linked to a desire to feel important or desired in the eyes of their social network. It can suggest that the person seeks validation from others instead of feeling content and secure in their relationship without external affirmation. There is nothing wrong with posting your partner! It's understanding the reasoning behind why you're doing it. Balance is key!

Remember that every relationship is unique. Instead of trying to outdo others, focus on what will make you both happy. The comparison game is overrated.

Avoid Stressful Reservations or Crowded Spots

If you love dining out but aren't thrilled by the chaos of Valentine's Day crowds, try something different. Skip the pricey prix-fixe menus at packed restaurants. Instead, plan a cozy night at a less conventional spot, like a food truck, a favorite neighborhood café, or even a picnic indoors to avoid the hustle and bustle.

Embrace the Everyday Moments of Love

Valentine's Day is a fantastic opportunity to highlight your relationship, but it's important to remember that love should be celebrated all year round. Use the day to reflect on the little moments in your relationship that make it unique. Did your partner do something sweet last week? Or have they been particularly supportive lately? Take time to express gratitude for the everyday gestures of love not highlighted by the "Valentine's Day spotlight."

Don't Feel Obligated to Celebrate

If you and your partner agree that Valentine's Day isn't something you want to focus on, then don't. It's okay to treat it like any other day. You don't need to participate in the holiday to prove your love for each other. Sometimes, not acknowledging the day and spending it however you usually would is the best way to avoid feeling the weight of the holiday.

Final Thoughts

Valentine's Day can be meaningful for couples, but don't let the pressure overwhelm you. By rethinking the day and making it your own, you can turn what could be a stressful occasion into an opportunity to strengthen your connection and enjoy each other's company. There is no need for extravagant gestures—just authenticity, love, and connection.

Ultimately, it's not about meeting societal expectations; it's about celebrating your relationship in a way that feels right for you both. So skip the stress and enjoy the day however you like. After all, love is about the moments, not the fanfare.

Avoiding Valentine's Day Pressure for Couples