Building a More Enriched Marriage Through Goals and Values
Couples often go through hills and valleys in their relationship. Sometimes, you feel entirely connected; other times, you have zero idea what to discuss. I usually have clients come to couples therapy who are trying to reignite the spark and bring back a stronger connection. They genuinely love their partner but are just missing the excitement they once had. This is where I typically like to get back to what are some goals and values that the couple shares. How can we use this information to enhance the marriage?
Shared Goals and Values
The Role of Shared Goals
Whether short-term or long-term goals, it's essential to constantly evaluate where your and your partner's dreams and goals align. Goals can include finances, family planning, and dreams of having a vacation home. It is subjective to each couple. I enjoy using shared goals in sessions because they create a team approach that may have been lost. It's also essential to align personal ambitions with relationship goals. For example, your partner may love the outdoors and desire to go camping. Unfortunately, camping for you sounds horrible. This could seem like a rock and a hard place situation, but there may be a compromise after exploring their dislikes about camping. It may be that your partner loves the outdoors too, but they need an RV or cabin to enjoy this type of adventure together. Regardless, you are building excitement about future endeavors and learning more about your partner. Bonus: building that emotional intimacy!
Dreams
The Power of Shared Values
Shared values, beliefs, and principles fundamental to a couple play a crucial role in decision-making and future planning. Discussing these values can help align your plans and ensure a harmonious relationship. Fundamental values to explore include integrity, loyalty, spirituality, family, and career paths. For example, if a couple comes from different religious backgrounds, this could cause some conflict with raising children in the future. What church will you attend as a family? Will the child be baptized as a child or later when they choose? I have seen many couples that come from different faiths make it work. The key is that there is respect and discussion before these significant life transitions like raising kids. Forgot to do this? Couples therapy is a great place to help navigate this challenging and pivotal discussion. While the therapist utilizes different techniques and interventions, it also allows couples to feel more accountable for maintaining respect in these discussions. Values come from possibly profound experiences and family of original beliefs that can be difficult to discuss without feeling more emotionally charged than other subjects. A trained therapist can help you navigate this more productively.
Values
Goals and Values Can Change
Goals and values must be continuously discussed because they tend to change over time. Your career path altered finances and made achieving financial goals harder. Retirement goals may need to be changed. Maybe you made more money than you thought, and timelines look quicker to purchasing your dream home or property. Regardless, it's never boring, and both partners can explore what is important to them now based on their new circumstances. Values can also change based on real-life experiences. I see this in political conversations frequently. Again, aligning respect during these discussions helps partners navigate these pivotal value changes. I will often say in session, "Lean into curiosity more about why your partner feels this way." "Don't listen to respond; listen to understand."
Changing
Final Thoughts
Exploring goals and values is another way to enhance your marriage and connect with your partner on a deeper level. Don't avoid these topics because you are limiting your connection with your partner and really knowing who they are. Don't settle for a basic marriage! Enhance it!