How to Choose The Best Couples Therapist
Choosing the right couples therapist is a critical step toward improving your relationship and ensuring that therapy is effective. Most couples wait until a crucial turning point in their relationship to seek treatment. So what happens next? They do a quick Google search and try to find one that doesn't look crazy and jump all in. I get it. You want to stop hurting now! However, please understand that only some therapists specialize in couples therapy. With so many options available, I want to give you a guide to make you feel more confident in this selection process.
Therapy Goals
Understand Your Goals
Before you begin your search, you must clearly understand why you're seeking therapy in the first place. Are you looking to improve communication, form a stronger connection, or navigate a specific issue like infidelity? Identifying your goals will help you find a therapist specializing in your relationship's most relevant areas. For example, affair recovery is highly challenging, and you want to ensure that your therapist is comfortable with guiding this process.
Looking at Credentials
Look for Specialized Training and Credentials
Look for a licensed therapist with specific training in relationship counseling. For example, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) must have over 750 relational hours to obtain a license. LMFTs have specific training in family systems and interpersonal conflicts within relationship dynamics. In addition, look at therapists who have undergone specialized training that can handle the complexities of relationships and their unique needs. Some other great options are a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and therapist trained in the Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Lucky for you, I am an LMFT and LPC who not only specializes in couples therapy but loves it!
What Therapeutic Approach
Consider Their Therapeutic Approach
Different therapists use different approaches to couples therapy. Some standard methods include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors.
The Gottman Method: Based on extensive research, this approach emphasizes building love maps, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning.
Person-centered therapy emphasizes the importance of the therapist-client relationship and the client's capacity for self-directed growth and change.
Research these approaches and discuss with potential therapists which one they use and how it aligns with your goals.
Evaluate Experience and Expertise
Experience matters, especially when dealing with complex relationship issues. Ask potential therapists how long they've been practicing couples therapy and what problems they frequently deal with. Also, if you hear hesitation in their voice about your type of relational need, that should be a sign to keep researching. Therapists should refer out if they are uncomfortable in certain specialties. A therapist who has successfully helped couples navigate similar challenges to yours is more likely to provide practical guidance.
Assess Compatibility and Comfort
Therapy is most effective when both partners feel comfortable with the therapist. During the initial consultation, pay attention to how the therapist interacts with both of you. Do they create a safe, non-judgmental space? Are they empathetic and unbiased? It's crucial that both you and your partner feel heard and respected.
Comfort with Therapist
Check Availability and Accessibility
Consistency is vital in therapy, so finding a therapist whose schedule aligns with yours is essential. Consider the following:
Session Availability: Can the therapist accommodate your preferred times?
Location: Is the therapist's office conveniently located, or do they offer online sessions?
Communication: How accessible is the therapist outside of sessions if needed?
Ensure the logistics work for you and your partner to avoid added stress.
Consider Cost
Therapy can be a significant financial investment, so it's essential to consider the cost. Some questions to ask include:
What are the session fees?
What is a typical length of time you would treat a couple based on your relational concern?
Are they in-network or out-of-network providers?
Do they accent Flex Spending accounts or HSA cards?
Understanding the financial commitment upfront can help you make an informed decision. It is essential to understand that progress in therapy depends on both partners' commitment to the work. If one partner takes longer to engage in the process, it is generally longer. Each couple brings a unique set of issues, and the length of treatment reflects that.
Seek Recommendations and Read Reviews
Personal recommendations from friends or family undergoing couples therapy can be invaluable. Additionally, I read online reviews to understand other couples' experiences. However, remember that every relationship is different; what works for one couple may not work for another.
Trust Your Instincts
Ultimately, trust your gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right during the initial consultation, it's okay to keep looking. The right therapist will make you and your partner feel understood and supported, which is crucial for the success of your therapy. If you feel like the therapist talks about themselves too much, that is a red flag. The therapist may throw out real-life examples now and then, but this is your session. You should feel like they are focused on YOUR goals. I have had too many friends/new clients say my therapist talked about themselves the whole time. Please know it's imperative to find another therapist who will be YOU-focused. If, after a few sessions, you feel that the therapist isn't a good fit, don't hesitate to discuss your concerns or seek out a different therapist. The goal is to find someone with whom both partners feel comfortable and who can effectively guide you toward your relationship goals.
Conclusion
Choosing the right couples therapist is extremely important and can significantly affect the outcome of your therapy. You have invested so much time in your relationship, and I hope you put in some time and research to ensure your therapist is ready for your unique relationship. Considering factors like specialization, experience, compatibility, and cost, you can find a well-suited therapist to help you and your partner navigate your relationship challenges. Remember, the journey to a healthier relationship starts with finding the proper support.