When faced with relational issues, deciding whether to pursue individual therapy or couples therapy can be a challenging choice. Both forms of therapy offer unique benefits but cater to specific needs. I have had clients call and request individual therapy, but after a few intake questions, we decided couples therapy was the better route. Obviously, couples therapy is not going to work if one partner is resistant to the process. In this case, individual therapy is best in managing your reactions to the relational concern and possibly discernment on how to move forward. However, if we have a relational problem or a circular causality issue, it's best to address it in couples therapy.

(Circular causality is psychology nerd talk, which means all parts of a system are interconnected. Changes in one part of the system affect other parts, which in turn influence the original part, creating a continuous feedback loop) Example- Negative feelings lead to negative interactions, and then round and round we go.

What is Individual Therapy?

Individual therapy is a one-on-one session between a therapist and a client. The main focus is on the individual's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It offers a private space to explore personal issues, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, or life transitions. The therapist helps the client gain self-awareness, work through individual challenges, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Because I work with many affair recovery cases, I have also directed some couples to discontinue couples therapy and initiate individual treatment due to the intensity of the communication and possible resistance of the unfaithful partner. It's always crucial for the unfaithful partner to seek personal therapy to kick start why this occurred in the first place, but it is even more critical if the unfaithful partner is engaging in defensiveness and a lack of accountability.

Benefits of Individual Therapy:

Personal Growth: Individual therapy allows you to focus entirely on your personal development without the influence of another person's perspective. Friends and family have the best intentions about helping you with issues you disclose, but they can often be skewed to empower behaviors that keep you stuck. A therapist can notice patterns and challenge you at appropriate times to create change. Patterns come to light in one-on-one sessions.

Privacy: You can discuss your thoughts and feelings without worrying about how they might affect your partner. It is so freeing to have a place to talk through issues that you generally hold back on based on wanting to keep the peace.

Self-discovery: One-on-one sessions provide an opportunity to delve deep into one's personal history and behaviors, which can lead to greater self-understanding.

Custom Approach: The therapy is customized to your specific needs, making it easier to address your challenges.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, on the other hand, involves both partners working with a therapist to address issues within the relationship. The focus is improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening the emotional connection between partners. This form of therapy is beneficial for couples experiencing recurring arguments, intimacy issues, or significant life changes.

"I love working with couples because when both partners are ready for a change, keeping each other accountable with interventions that are prescribed in session is helpful. I call this gently calling one another out to stay focused on the mission ahead."

Benefits of Couples Therapy:

Improved Communication: Couples therapy can help partners learn practical communication skills, leading to a better understanding of each other's needs and perspectives.

Conflict Resolution: It provides a neutral space where both partners can express their concerns and work towards resolving conflicts constructively.

Relationship Growth: Therapy can help couples reconnect, rebuild trust, and strengthen their emotional bond, leading to a healthier relationship.

Shared Goals: It encourages both partners to work towards common goals, fostering a sense of teamwork and collaboration in the relationship.

Which Therapy is Right for You?

Choosing individual or couples therapy depends on the nature of your issues and your personal goals.

Consider Individual Therapy if:

You are dealing with personal issues that may not relate directly to your relationship.
You prefer to work on self-improvement or self-discovery without involving your partner.
You want to address past traumas, mental health issues, or personal challenges that are affecting your well-being.

Consider Couples Therapy if:

Communication, trust, or recurring conflicts are the primary issues related to your relationships.
You and your partner are willing to work together to improve the relationship.
You want to strengthen your relationship and develop healthier patterns of interaction.

Can You Do Both?

In some cases, a combination of both individual and couples therapy might be the best path forward. For example, if one partner is dealing with personal issues affecting the relationship, they might benefit from individual therapy while also attending couples therapy to address the impact on the relationship. This dual approach allows for both personal growth and relationship improvement. For example, I have several clients who are in individual therapy for diagnoses like bipolar disorder or anxiety, and this helps support the work done in couples therapy. This collaborative approach allows us to achieve our goals more promptly.

Final Thoughts

Choosing between individual and couples therapy is a personal decision that should be based on your unique circumstances and goals. Consulting a therapist can help you determine which option is correct. Reach out if you need help with this decision. Ultimately, the goal is to find the support that best meets your needs, whether that's focusing on yourself, your relationship, or both. In any form, therapy is a powerful tool for personal and relational growth, leading to a more fulfilling life and healthier connections.

Individual Therapy vs. Couples Therapy: Which One is Right for You?